Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I warn you now, this one will be all over the place...(Originally posted on MySpace on Sunday, August 13, 2006)

OK. I got my new favorite uptempo house music station Clubber'sRadio.com bumping on the old shoutcast. I have a couple of the Negro Modelos I stole from the guys at work in me. And I am ready to write a dense stream of conciousness rant...so this one might be all over the place. Just try to stick with me.

First off, I have said before and I will say again. I HATE reality TV. I mean I HATE it. When I watch it, I think to myself., THIS is why the terrorists want to kill us all. This is why Sept. 11th happened. The show that inspired my vehomence was the GIRLS NEXT DOOR. There is something about the show that reminds me of my dad...sort of the diry old man with young girlfirends thing...but I got so dis-fucking-sgusted with the show I was ready to swear off TV until the end of Lent next year or something.

This particular episode (which for the purposes of the fact checking research minded readers out there who want to see for themselves) was called "Mutinay on the Booty." Anyway from what I gather...the girls (who for the uninitiaged are the girlfriends of Hugh Hefner) are involved in shooting some kind of special cover which as is explained in the kind of melodrmatic over-emphasized detail that I have only seen from Working Girls, Strippers, Fetish Models, and apparantly professional girlfriends of rich publishing moguls. Anyway...all these girls have to do is stand there. That's it. They have an ARMY of people adjusting every plastic nook and air brushed cranny. And all three of them end up in tears at seperat points...becuase of the STRESS of being naked. The STRAIN of having to be on a big time reality show. The TRIALS of being a modern day geisha who's only job is stagger into the photo shoot by noon (much of the episodes early drama...revolves around varoius reasons why getting there on time is such a chore.) And the fucking thing is DRIPPING with MELODRAMATIC SMALTZ. It is just sickening. I mean don't get me wrong...it is at the same time brilliant. I know that this formula could work to make any job exciting. and make stars of us all. For example here's an excerpt from MASTERING LAB: Masters of the BURN

Glen: (Camera zooms in close as screeching tire sound effect plays) Um...
did you finish burning that scooby build.

Several cuts to ever member of the lab looking around nervously (obviously shot at several times of day...but cleverly edited to LOOK as if it was happening in sync with Glen's request). Elvis' suspicious minds fires up as RYAN walks in the room.

Glen: (Camera switches to black and white): Hey did you burn that scooby build.

Ryan: (Pan Zoom to Ryan's face as music switches to Natalie Imbruglia's "Just Leave me alone") Um...Scooby...Uh no.

Cut to Glen in the "Confessions Room": I knew he didn't burn that scooby build.

Cut to Ryan in the "Confessions Room": Honestly I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought he was way out of line.

Cut to a Montage of sideways glances between Ryan and Glen while Queen's Pressure plays.


So yeah the formula. It could work for anything. It's all about editing and careful placement of modern top 40 hits. And we can't get enough.

Next up. My weekend. Becca is out of town. So I basically spent all weekend at work. We are working on these Process documents as part of our departmental goals. Basically I have to write a guide that would be used either as a Mastering Lab handbook. Well, I say I have to write it but technically WE (the Mastering Lab has to write it). Unfortunatly we are talking about a 200 page document with screen shots and cross referenced web links and all that jazz...and that just isn't going to get done in the time we have during normal work hours. So I knew I'd have to put in some OT to get the rough drafts done so Glen and Heidi could do some passes over them and flesh them out. I worked yesterday from 10AM to 11PM and today from 9AM to 4...which might not seem like much but it is my DAY OFF and I am going to be working every weekend this month as Anthony is going out of town. So hey there you go.

I'm really missing Becca. This is the first time I have slept alone since I went to Boston in June of 2004. Pretty wierd. I thought I'd have fun doing the bachelor thing...but I had two beers and felt a little sick...so I decided to blog instead. All my friends are off doing their own things...but even if I wanted to go out I'd have to call it a night early since I work at 6AM tomorrow anyway. But I really see now just how much a part of my daily routine farting around with Becca is. I was folding laundry watching this show on History Channel about 9-11 and there was this fire fighter talking about his wife who's wife worked in the world trade center. He was talking about how she was dead and how he missed her...but the show was a sort of re-inactment...like minute by minute "Countdown to Disaster" style show...and it turned out his wife hadn't died...but they were taking the audience through the day as he had seen it. I was crying like a little baby...thinking about what I'd do if some disaster hit LA and Becca died. I was like a jibbering school girl. Man I need to go for a walk. Which is what I did.

So now I'm back from the walk. And I think I'm gonna get in some DS playing before bed. I've got some thoughts on some Games/Music/Books coming soon...as soon as I'm done with the documents at work...until then I remain,

Your Humble Narrator...

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