I'm going to spin a yarn "Andrew" style. I'm not going to use it as a platform to compare myself to US magazine coverboys...but it'll be "in the style of" rather than a direct carbon copy. That's how you can get away with plagarism...use things "In the Style of...", like how you could say that Green Day's album Warning is "in the style of The Kinks"..which is a nice way of saying it's pretty much a direct rip off, aimed at kids who don't know no better...
On summer in my college days (TM) My brother and I lived in an apartment complex with a large group of Irish blokes and birds. Now a little back story here is that for anyone who hasn't been to Isla Vista (the slum that rings UCSB in Santa Barbara) the apartments (most of which should be condemned and bombed out of existence) all average about 1400 a month PER ROOM. That means that during the school year you pretty much pay 600 to 700 bucks to SHARE A ROOM. and not a big room...but on average a 150 sq. ft Cell. This is mitigated somewhat by the fact that during the summer most of these same apartments can be subleased for around 200 to 300 dollars an APARTMENT. So the rooms go down to about 100 a month...a nice little break.
So anyway my brother Raleigh was living with me because he was in his Sewing his Oats phase and was trying (somewhat successfully) to get it on with the Dance Majors that frequented the Drama Parties (A tip to any of you kids still going to school...use tequila...I don't konw what it is about dance majors and tequila...but the stuff is like miricle juice).
Anywho, back in the day my brother had a series jones for Irish girls...or more specifically girls with Irish accents. It spawned a somewhat unhealthy obsession with the band B*Witched (google it and imagine for yourself the true horror of seeing your 22 year old brother's room festooned with these Irish Babes). It was sort of his ulitmate fantasy. Well imagine his sheer and utter DELIGHT when we were moving in and sitting around the pool were about ten hot (and I MEAN HOT...not just hot because they had hot accents and good taste in Techno) Irish babes gabbing away in their lilting celtic accents about how they thought all the American guys had big muscles and nice tans.
It was like I couldn't have scripted it better. And thus began our summer of crazy Irish adventures. I might start a sub-blog casue this summer is a gold mine of great little stories and adventures. Like how me and this guy Aaron used to go to IV parties and he would pretend he was American and I would pretend I was irish and it was fucking off the chain. It was the funniest thing...he would sit there and make fun of my accent and talk about budwiesers and NASCAR and all this stuff and the girls just ate it up. But that's a story for another time.
One of my favorite stories is a great one about how my brother became an Irish folk hero the likes of which has not been seen since ol St. Patrick himself.
Now as I said these Irish girls were pretty hot. And they mostly wanted to have sex with as many tan American guys as they could. Unfortunatly this meant that there were a LOT Of chuckle head idiots that would hang out with us when we'd all go out. One such guy had been really giving the Irish Blokes a hard time. I can't remember his name...but it was something like Steve or Eddie or some such...lets call him Jake...just for the sake of it. So anyway Jake had been sort of off and on again dating this one girl named aidele. She was really sweet but she had sort of come to the STates on vacation with one of the Irish blokes and he was a little sore that this girl had ditched him and started balling all these american wankers. This guy jake was a grade A asshole. Rich, stupid, pretty, no class, no taste, kind of rough with the ladies...a total jocky American UCSB student. I hated him. Well most of the Irish blokes weren't to fond of the way he insinuated that they sounded sort of "gay". One night in particular this guy was at a pizza place with all of us and he was really on a roll about how all Irish guys do is drink and watch soccer and how if it wasn't for America they'd have all starved to death...and he's really gettin on everyone's nerves. Then he starts challenging everyone to (I swear to God I am not making this up), Arm wrestling contests. ARM WRESTLING CONTESTS!!!! What a tool. So he beats most of the guys around the table and the honor of Ireland is really at stake. Well my brother says, "Look man I'm really sick of you big ass mouth. I tell you what I'm gonna arm wrestle you and win...and then you're going to buy us all four rounds of pitchers shut the hell up till we are done drinking it." and the guy sort of scoffed like "bring it on" and then my brother added, "and I'm going to do it with my left hand."
Now for those of you familiar with the ways of THE MODE the outcome of this story should be abundantly clear. But this guy was like, "OK tough guy and if I win you buy me a bottle of Patron."
And in about three seconds my brother smashed this guys hand into the table with so much force that it made me wince a little. I mean this guy was an asshole...but it was brutal. And the Irish guys went fucking nuts. They were like cheering and singing songs and really giving this guy a hard time. We all failed to mention that my brother was left handed...but I'm fairly confident that he could have won either way. From that day on Raleigh (my brother) became a honorary Irish bloke. The all hung out with him and he showed them how to pick up on the American babes (not that it is really hard with an irish accent...but you know what I mean). It was the damndest thing I had ever scene and it goes down into the Arnold family lore as the day THE MODE stood up for his Irish roots and won us all a lot of beer.