Friday, April 25, 2008

The quiet hum of technology... (Originally posted on My Space on Thursday, February 02, 2006)

This is my first late night at work in a long time. I can feel the overtime coming on as we get closer to E3. That is the only downside of working the late shift...overtime. I don't have an excuse...when someone needs it done. I am the one who does it. So here I am. I could be on my way home by now, but the fucking last 10 discs of The Outfit Japanese errored right before they were done...hopefully the master disc isn't smudged...I made another one just to be sure...but that's all shop talk...

I made the mistake of browsing around through some of the profiles of "friends" I don't really talk to anymore. There are a lot of people in my friends list who were friends in the way way, back that I might never see again. It's funny to think of them all going through their lives. It really makes me think about them in the old days, in High School or College and where they THOUGHT they would be vs. where they are now. Some of them are doing a lot better than I thought they would do. Some of them have turned into such different people...that it just sort of doesn't sit well with me.

It makes me think like, how did I turn out? Did I compromise any of my visions? I don't think I did. For a long time I was sort of floundering around and just sort of sorting out life in general.

Still there are a few people that I have started to write out some long emails to only to delete them and think to myself...why am I doing this...what does it matter, I will never get out to see one of their plays, or make it to their graduation or to see thier kids or what ever...I mean I just won't. Its all part of the perpetually transient lifestyle. I never got used to long term friendships. And now I pretty much don't factor into the lives of many people with whom I used to spend a lot of time with. Such is life.

Also on these late nights I sit and brood a little bit over the family. It is another source of slight anxiety for me. I feel like the time I get to spend with them all is so limited. And there seems to be so many disperate points of contention and strange in-fighting. It is hard to come down on one side or the other. I think that Becca has done a great job of being a chameleon and fitting in with all the different groups that make up my family. I mean I feel totally comfortable with her in Wells, or San Luis, or Boise or wherever. It isn't something I could say about any other girl that I've had in my life. Still, I wish that I had more time to visit with all the brothers amd their families and be a little more involved in their lives. It's just tough, cause everyone has so much on their plates.

Anyway. I have been having some excellent bike rides and that has been having an overall positive effect on my life in general. I feel a lot better. And I think that it has reflected in my relationship with Becca, which seems to be really harmonious right now. We've had a good last few months. I'm totally glad that she has been hanging out with Melanie. It fills an important "Girl Time" gap that I can't really fill for Becca. She's incredibly social and she needs to have I glad that Melanie has turned out to be such a cool chick.

Well the Outfit just popped out...hopefully I can go home soon...

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