So that last one was a little heavy handed. (Originally posted on MySpace Thursday, July 21, 2005)

I'm still debating wether to make these blogs like interesting funny stories...or like what I have on my mind...or just obtuse rants about video games. I'd say that up untill now I have spread it out pretty good. One thing is for sure though if Becca ever dumps me I will never get laid again...Becuase I have so unashamedly nerded out for all to see.

But so what. Becca has shown me that there are some cool ass chicks out there. Up until her I had been alone for a LOOOOONG time. Sort of by choice (or so I told myself). I had had a tough time of it in college. For one thing I had this wierd thing were there were a couple of girls who I was IN LOVE with and it sort of blinded me to the high quality babes that were all around me.

I was "sort of" with this one girl half way through school and she was obsessed with me losing weight. And I did. A lot of it. And the wierd thing was how much attention I got when I was really in shape. I had all kinds of action...I mean I did things to some girls that I feel guilty about to this day. I was a dog. A jerk. A scumball. And then I started to seeth with resentment. I started to be like. Fuck this. I'm the same guy...I just look better. I'm going to just get fat again. And that's exactly what I did. I started drinking like at least 12 beers a day and gained it all back...and the funnier thing was that becuase I was so anti-women I STILL got girls...because the sick thing is that if there is something a girl likes more than good looks its a guy who will treat them like absolute shit and basically openly hate them to their faces. The whole thing just made me sad. Like...why would I want to be with you if your willing to be treated like such shit? Why would I want to be with myself since I'm such a degenerate asshole who hates everyone...even himself.

That cycle went on for a long long time. Sort of getting involved with girls...seeing how much I hated them and myself...getting drunk a lot and then being depressed from drinking to much and drinking more.

But then Becca came along. She was so fucking cool. So smart. So, I don't know...just not full of shit. She was the first girl I knew who was more into Industrial than I was...and that was where it started...but then it grew. We liked the same movies...the same books...She plays video games with me...I mean she's just fucking cool. And I love her.

The only downside to this is that I hang out with my friends a lot less and I feel really guilty about that. The only friends who I see with any regularity are Patrick and Aaron...and taht is because they have adapted well to seeing me on my time...But so what. I had about four years of being a swinging bachelor. It isn't for me anymore.

I have been really struggling to lose weight again...but now more because I am happy and like the Buddah...I just get fat when I'm happy...It sucks...but I don't want to die of diabities...Susan's grandpa died of diabities and in the end they had amputated both his feet and a hand because of gangrene. Fuck that...I need to eat more vegies...but oh that devil beer...it will kill me, I know it.

In retrospect...this blog wasn't really that funny either...oh well...it's all stream of conciousness...you win some you lose some...I'm sure any comments Andrew makes will make up for it.